Outlaw King - Okay

Starring: Chris Pine, Stephen Dillane, Rebecca Robin, Billy Howle
Director: David Mackenzie
Runtime: 2 hours, 1 minute
Action | Biography | Drama | History | War | 2018

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I have three distinct reactions to this movie.

One: I really hate how humans treat each other. Not much has changed since the 1300s when this movie takes place, everyone killing each other for whatever reason they have. In this case, it’s a rebellion against the King of England, but my goodness. Everyone’s always fighting and not getting along and I wish it would just change already. I especially don’t like that the men in this movie (I guess I should say the real men in the fights were based on) killed all the men and all the men’s horses BUDUMSHEESH - see what I did there? Couldn’t help myself. It was hard to watch that last epic battle even though it was full of action and honor and tension. It also brought back painful memories from when we were forced to watching this one movie in Catholic School where all the men were stabbing babies with spears and shit just because they didn’t want Jesus to be alive and they had no idea which baby he was. Ridiculous. People are ridiculous.

Two: I crack myself up. To keep myself entertained during the first hour of the movie (because it was so absolutely boring and confusing) I typed myself up some “notes” where I asked questions. I’m wondering if anyone knows the answers? Here is your test (with some answers):

1. Why did that horse just get stabbed and why is there a mans arm dangling from the statue?
2. Who is the outlaw and who is the king? Who is the good guy? - this confused me because he was both and an outlaw and a king, I understood by the end of the film thank goodness. Which after saying out loud I feel kind of dumb due to the name of the film and all. DUH Shannon.
3. Did this happen before or after Mary Queen of Scots? - I asked this because I just watched this movie and it didn’t seem very different in the way that humans treated each other. I looked it up - SPOILER - Mary Queen of Scots ruled some 200 years after Robert.
4. What exactly do students who grow up in England/Scotland/UK learn in history class? Must be strange to have history before 1776 am I right?

Third: How ON GOD’S GREAT EARTH was the bowl haircut ever fashionable?

With all that being said, I wouldn’t say this movie is completely awful. The first half isn’t great, but it really picked up in the end and I enjoyed Chris Pine and Rebecca Robin as a couple. I’m going to give this one an “Okay” because I wouldn’t watch the bloody gore again. It was pretty inspiring somehow though. (2.5/5).