I, Frankenstein - F

Quick Hit: Dreadful… just… dreadful

The story of Frankenstein by Mary Shelley was famously written as part of a contest on a stormy night. What eventually was churned out was a taut story filled with questions of what it would be like if man could play God, as well as a story of the burden of fatherhood and the sins of the son affecting the father. It’s really quite something, especially considering it was written well over a hundred years ago.

How that science fiction/horror masterpiece somehow served as the inspiration for this garbage is beyond me.

First, the movie begins at the creation of Frankenstein and his torturous killing of his “father” and then suddenly… gargoyles and demons show up. I’m not joking, that’s the plot here. Apparently there is an ancient war between the two and now Frankenstein now holds the key. He doesn’t like that, so after a brief weapons tutorial he hides in snow for a lot of years – hundreds actually. Now he’s back and ready for action.

By the way, there’s like a woman scientist, and a male scientist, and a pseudo love story, and a bad guy who is a demon prince. Oh and a gargoyle queen.

This movie is freaking bonkers, and not in a good way. It’s a disastrous piece of Underworld  spinoff, with the crappy dialogue to match. The performances are fun, in a terrible kind of way. Eckhart, who stars as “Adam” (because of course) has the appropriate gravelly voice like he brought to Two Face at the end of The Dark Knight. Bill Nighy gets a special gold star for portraying a demon prince, but the delivery of his lines is wayyyyyy too reminiscent of his famous role as Davy Jones. It’s almost like everyone just decided to phone it in.

Even the effects people, tasked with creating battles between demons and gargoyles, somehow bungle the equation. Why gargoyles would turn into humans to fight is beyond me – you’re made of stone!!! People are squishy and don’t take to fights well. Bah, who cares.

Honestly the only thing I can see that was good about this movie, and keeping it from being an "F-" is the makeup. They did a decent job with Aaron, particularly all the scars he shows.

This movie is trash and an absolute disgrace to Frankestein (1931) – don’t watch it. Ever.

I’m not even going to direct you to IMDB.